All over your back!"

[Ivan]

Two guys are in a strip joint, one is sitting in front of the other.
A woman comes on stage and starts stripping. The guy in back, Paul, says,
"Oh yeah, Oh yeah!"

Then the first guy turns around and says, " Hey Paul, shut up!"

Then two women come out and start stripping. Paul, once again, starts,
"Yeah baby..mmmm....yeah!"

Once again the guy in front turns around and tells Paul to be quiet.
So three women come out and start stripping. Paul is silent.

The guy in front says, "Hey Paul, where's all your excitement now?"

Paul says, "All over your back!"
:crysmile:

[Ivan]

:emo-goodl
Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks."
She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it."

They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can't see anything, because it's too dark, so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."
She says, "Thank you."
He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?"
She says, "Go ahead."
He says, "Can you pee through all that hair?"
She says, "Of course."
He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."

[lovethatdogg]

omg the frist i so funny, but really gorss!!! I did not read the second! too much reading
lol

[Ivan]

A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee."

Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge."

She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.

He shouts in horror, "My God Mary ... have you changed your sex?"

"No," she replies. "I've changed my mind, I'm having a **** instead."

[Ivan]

Mother in Crisis


The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night.

"Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive." The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again.

"You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of relief. "My husband just found another one."
=======================

How's this one guys...

[Rasalom]

Mildly amusing, nothing special.

[Ivan]

Old Mans Sperm Count

A 85 year old man went to the Dr.’s office to get a sperm count.The Dr. gave him a jar and said,” Take this jar home and and bring back a semen sample tomorrow .”
The next day the old man reappeared at the Dr.’s office and give him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day . The Dr. asked what happened and the old man explained…
” Well Dr. it’s like this - first I tried with my right hand but nothing then I tried with my left hand but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help , she tried with her right hand and then with left hand but still nothing. then she tried with her mouth first with teeth in and then teeth out .But still nothing.We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too. First with her both hands then with her armpit and she even tried squeezen’ it between her knees,but still nothing.”

The Dr. was shocked ,”you asked your neighbor?” The Old man replied ” Yep, and no matter what we tried ,we still could not get the jar open”

HAHA what were you thinking???

How about this one guys?
:emo-cheer

[Rasalom]

Not funny.