spooflane
24-03-2008, 06:43 PM
(this is bit of an essay)
There's no one I could talk about this to right now cause if i do it would leak out and make it heaps complicated..so i hope you guys can help me.
So theres this boy. i think i like him quite alot. i've sort of known him for half a year and we're not extremely close but we're friends, have his number (don't really call each other though), talk and hugs (everyone knows he's got the best hugs) and i see him every week maybe about twice at youth etc.. So i don't know if you'd call that pretty shallow relationship at the moment but either way..
we didn't talk much at first, just a huge smile, big hug and "how are you?" everytime i see him and the occasional myspace comment (like once a month?). i sorta had a crush on him from the beginning..cause he's surfy, tall, skinny jeans kinda guy..basically my fashion taste..musician, drummer at youth and he was just a sweetheart - but definitely a ladiesman. so i disregarded it and went "its probably just a phase yet again. cause all girls probably fall in love with him when they first meet him etc and its just a coincidence we go to the same youth and we get to talk etc"
BUT recently, especially yesterday when our group of friends were hanging out..he started doing things that suggested he liked me..though im not sure cause he is generally an open and loving person. we were having a kickfight or something which consisted of me trying to kick his backside cause he nudged me on the back with his foot. He grabbed my ankle completely and proclaimed he won but i went after him - after all that it just ended up in a hug...at the end of the same night, we were hugging he just kept holding me (and said "you're so small")..not for a long long time obviously cause there was people everywhere and when we had our goodbye hug he'd say "love you." and i swear, i could be wrong, i've never heard him say that to anyone, and in that 'way'. but again i brushed it off cause i don't wanna make a mistake and just said "love you too" and left...
yesterday we were at a park/playground/harbour place just a whole bunch of us lazing on the grass, talking, taking photos. he did his usual im really excited to see you face, hug. but later on..here goes the list of things he did:
1) there was a small huddle, people lying on each other bla bla and i was sitting next to him, not in the huddle just next to him, they started taking silly photos and he goes "you have to come here elaine..come next me!"..and so i went and lied down next to him and took photos and in the middle of all the screaming from people being cut out of photos and basically pain from being on each other he leaned over "me and elaine!" and took a photo of just me and him (and it was a cute photo i have to say haha..)..my friend was yelling "I WANNA BE IN IT!" and he goes "NO YOUR NOT IN IT RACHELA."
2) we kept lazing. and even though i hardly said a word, obviously one of the more quiet ones he'd randomly talk to me or direct conversation at me. again..he might just be a really nice loving person. i told him i was tired and i'd just lean on his shoulder/arm. im not gonna take that as anything huge cause he was basically lying on one of my girlfriends and one of the boys was lying on him..basically row of people sitting inbetween each others legs..so physical contact might mean zilch really. when my friend almost pulled me into the water by not letting go of my legs i said i was scared and he goes "you can hold onto my arm!"
3) i moved away later on...cause hes bestfriend came over and said "you girls magnet blabla" or something like that i can't remember. and i felt kinda embarrassed cause i did just lay there the whole time with them when really i could have moved. so started talk to other people just standing around..i was talking with a closer guy friend and he started out conversation with "so..you and (boys name)?" *nods with that you-two-have-something look on his face* and i just sacarstically agreed.."you guys are like...ying yang..with your height difference!" (yes he's like a foot taller then me) so what i thought wasn't really obvious was obvious? gah. anyway...we got into a deep conversation about other stuff then my supposedly lover boy came over an just put his arm around my shoulder close to him etc while we were still talking. that was kinda an awkward moment since we were talking about it..even though it was a joke few minutes before.
4) he keeps saying "my elaine.."..alot. but another guy always exclaims "i love elaine!" and hugs me all the time cause its catchy but i don't think he likes me...and im pretty sure some of the girls call me their elaine as well..bleh another confused i don't know.
5) theres the paper-clip necklace incident. i was wearing a long necklace thing with giant paperclips on it (yep i make weird jewellery and i love wearing it...its almost like my trademark) people were playing with it especially the boys and they all wanted to see it so they ended up just taking out all the paperclips and even my string in the end...i got back one of the paperclips and when HE found out about the whole steal-elaines-paperclips thing he came over hugged me then took my clip again, s******ed and ran off. fast forward abit he and his best friend were cutely fighting and he said "I WANT IT." (the clip)..not sure what happened i got distracted..but i think cause..hes bestfriend told me to tell them that i did initially have a pink one along with the black and blue one that was there...cept i gave it to him (which i did. BUT really he took it off me and i just wasn't mean and let him keep it blah) and if he has the pink one and my 'confusing me right now' boy had the blue one they'd look homosexual.
6) some of the guys were teasing me about my height. and HE just so happened to be there at the moment...and i made a face and said to him they were teasing me. And he did he's cute comical 'open mouthed like im shocked' face put his arm around my shoulder again pulled me close and gave the boys death glares...did the whole pointing to his eyes and then their eyes like im-watching-you thing..."if you do that to her again..*gets grass thrown at him* ..i'll.... TOUCH you..MY elaine." we cracked up of course. it was funny..he didn't know what word to use that didn't seem too violent coming from a guy etc.
7) throughout the rest of the day wherever we were..he'd just randomly put his arm round my shoulder..gosh i almost felt like i WAS going out with him in the most friend like way possible...
8) theres little things. but i can't possibly list every small detail i remember in odd bits of my poor memory...
i honestly DON'T KNOW what to think anymore. did he just get the riff that i had a mini crush on him before and thus being nice. or hes just being real friendly and brotherly outta the blue cause he realised how small i am. or does he really actually beginning to like me for some weird reason. (i don't see why he'd like me though - not pulling myself down or anything hes not that eh 'hot' but hes popular and again a sweetheart plenty of girls going after him simply because of who he is is alluring..theres also the fact he went out with this girl before i don't know how long ago...but for 2 years and shes really beautiful and amazing too..). another worry is that one of his friends...one of my really really good friends...likes me...alot..not sure if he knows. but it was around the day that i just so happen was visiting that friends house and he added "(his name) is the coolest!" to my myspace name that my 'lover boy' started doing peculiar things..i could be just paranoid. ALSO, his bestfriend from when i mentioned before can be quite odd...hes nice (big ego though) but at odd times he'd just stare at me. i dunno whats up with him either, it freaks me out a little cause he used to like one of my girlfriends and she told me he just kept staring at her at times. gah i can go on and on about things that are related. i just DON'T KNOW WHAT BOYS KNOW..just how much do they really know about whats going on between everyone. nor what boys are really thinking..
i apologise for writing en essay.. but i wanted an exact recount so you know exactly how im feeling. i really need some advice or just some thoughts on what you think of my situation..it'd make me feel alot better to see someone else persepctive since i can't talk to anyone about it right now..i don't want them to suspect and make it a big thing - cause i should be concentrating on the HSC - my final year of high school etc...
THANK YOU FOR READING IF YOU JUST FINISH ALL THAT !
ps, if you know the song "Bubbly by Colbie Caillat"..thats how i feel about my boy that im confused about at the moment. :)
There's no one I could talk about this to right now cause if i do it would leak out and make it heaps complicated..so i hope you guys can help me.
So theres this boy. i think i like him quite alot. i've sort of known him for half a year and we're not extremely close but we're friends, have his number (don't really call each other though), talk and hugs (everyone knows he's got the best hugs) and i see him every week maybe about twice at youth etc.. So i don't know if you'd call that pretty shallow relationship at the moment but either way..
we didn't talk much at first, just a huge smile, big hug and "how are you?" everytime i see him and the occasional myspace comment (like once a month?). i sorta had a crush on him from the beginning..cause he's surfy, tall, skinny jeans kinda guy..basically my fashion taste..musician, drummer at youth and he was just a sweetheart - but definitely a ladiesman. so i disregarded it and went "its probably just a phase yet again. cause all girls probably fall in love with him when they first meet him etc and its just a coincidence we go to the same youth and we get to talk etc"
BUT recently, especially yesterday when our group of friends were hanging out..he started doing things that suggested he liked me..though im not sure cause he is generally an open and loving person. we were having a kickfight or something which consisted of me trying to kick his backside cause he nudged me on the back with his foot. He grabbed my ankle completely and proclaimed he won but i went after him - after all that it just ended up in a hug...at the end of the same night, we were hugging he just kept holding me (and said "you're so small")..not for a long long time obviously cause there was people everywhere and when we had our goodbye hug he'd say "love you." and i swear, i could be wrong, i've never heard him say that to anyone, and in that 'way'. but again i brushed it off cause i don't wanna make a mistake and just said "love you too" and left...
yesterday we were at a park/playground/harbour place just a whole bunch of us lazing on the grass, talking, taking photos. he did his usual im really excited to see you face, hug. but later on..here goes the list of things he did:
1) there was a small huddle, people lying on each other bla bla and i was sitting next to him, not in the huddle just next to him, they started taking silly photos and he goes "you have to come here elaine..come next me!"..and so i went and lied down next to him and took photos and in the middle of all the screaming from people being cut out of photos and basically pain from being on each other he leaned over "me and elaine!" and took a photo of just me and him (and it was a cute photo i have to say haha..)..my friend was yelling "I WANNA BE IN IT!" and he goes "NO YOUR NOT IN IT RACHELA."
2) we kept lazing. and even though i hardly said a word, obviously one of the more quiet ones he'd randomly talk to me or direct conversation at me. again..he might just be a really nice loving person. i told him i was tired and i'd just lean on his shoulder/arm. im not gonna take that as anything huge cause he was basically lying on one of my girlfriends and one of the boys was lying on him..basically row of people sitting inbetween each others legs..so physical contact might mean zilch really. when my friend almost pulled me into the water by not letting go of my legs i said i was scared and he goes "you can hold onto my arm!"
3) i moved away later on...cause hes bestfriend came over and said "you girls magnet blabla" or something like that i can't remember. and i felt kinda embarrassed cause i did just lay there the whole time with them when really i could have moved. so started talk to other people just standing around..i was talking with a closer guy friend and he started out conversation with "so..you and (boys name)?" *nods with that you-two-have-something look on his face* and i just sacarstically agreed.."you guys are like...ying yang..with your height difference!" (yes he's like a foot taller then me) so what i thought wasn't really obvious was obvious? gah. anyway...we got into a deep conversation about other stuff then my supposedly lover boy came over an just put his arm around my shoulder close to him etc while we were still talking. that was kinda an awkward moment since we were talking about it..even though it was a joke few minutes before.
4) he keeps saying "my elaine.."..alot. but another guy always exclaims "i love elaine!" and hugs me all the time cause its catchy but i don't think he likes me...and im pretty sure some of the girls call me their elaine as well..bleh another confused i don't know.
5) theres the paper-clip necklace incident. i was wearing a long necklace thing with giant paperclips on it (yep i make weird jewellery and i love wearing it...its almost like my trademark) people were playing with it especially the boys and they all wanted to see it so they ended up just taking out all the paperclips and even my string in the end...i got back one of the paperclips and when HE found out about the whole steal-elaines-paperclips thing he came over hugged me then took my clip again, s******ed and ran off. fast forward abit he and his best friend were cutely fighting and he said "I WANT IT." (the clip)..not sure what happened i got distracted..but i think cause..hes bestfriend told me to tell them that i did initially have a pink one along with the black and blue one that was there...cept i gave it to him (which i did. BUT really he took it off me and i just wasn't mean and let him keep it blah) and if he has the pink one and my 'confusing me right now' boy had the blue one they'd look homosexual.
6) some of the guys were teasing me about my height. and HE just so happened to be there at the moment...and i made a face and said to him they were teasing me. And he did he's cute comical 'open mouthed like im shocked' face put his arm around my shoulder again pulled me close and gave the boys death glares...did the whole pointing to his eyes and then their eyes like im-watching-you thing..."if you do that to her again..*gets grass thrown at him* ..i'll.... TOUCH you..MY elaine." we cracked up of course. it was funny..he didn't know what word to use that didn't seem too violent coming from a guy etc.
7) throughout the rest of the day wherever we were..he'd just randomly put his arm round my shoulder..gosh i almost felt like i WAS going out with him in the most friend like way possible...
8) theres little things. but i can't possibly list every small detail i remember in odd bits of my poor memory...
i honestly DON'T KNOW what to think anymore. did he just get the riff that i had a mini crush on him before and thus being nice. or hes just being real friendly and brotherly outta the blue cause he realised how small i am. or does he really actually beginning to like me for some weird reason. (i don't see why he'd like me though - not pulling myself down or anything hes not that eh 'hot' but hes popular and again a sweetheart plenty of girls going after him simply because of who he is is alluring..theres also the fact he went out with this girl before i don't know how long ago...but for 2 years and shes really beautiful and amazing too..). another worry is that one of his friends...one of my really really good friends...likes me...alot..not sure if he knows. but it was around the day that i just so happen was visiting that friends house and he added "(his name) is the coolest!" to my myspace name that my 'lover boy' started doing peculiar things..i could be just paranoid. ALSO, his bestfriend from when i mentioned before can be quite odd...hes nice (big ego though) but at odd times he'd just stare at me. i dunno whats up with him either, it freaks me out a little cause he used to like one of my girlfriends and she told me he just kept staring at her at times. gah i can go on and on about things that are related. i just DON'T KNOW WHAT BOYS KNOW..just how much do they really know about whats going on between everyone. nor what boys are really thinking..
i apologise for writing en essay.. but i wanted an exact recount so you know exactly how im feeling. i really need some advice or just some thoughts on what you think of my situation..it'd make me feel alot better to see someone else persepctive since i can't talk to anyone about it right now..i don't want them to suspect and make it a big thing - cause i should be concentrating on the HSC - my final year of high school etc...
THANK YOU FOR READING IF YOU JUST FINISH ALL THAT !
ps, if you know the song "Bubbly by Colbie Caillat"..thats how i feel about my boy that im confused about at the moment. :)